Thrown From the Nest.
Many will tell you that after going No Contact with a toxic family member, they found themselves thrown from the family nest.
In this situation, it is easy to believe that, for your family to cease contact with you, you must be the bad guy here.
It is time to be very honest with yourself and stay grounded in reality.
Family Tree
Draw yourself a family tree. Ask yourself just how good your relationships here were. Do you see your narcissistic parent heavily involved in the relationship between yourself and those family members? Were there periods of time where you were ostracised from them? Have they been used as tools to “bring you back in line” when there were problems with your narcissistic parent? Were you close? Could you rely on them in a crisis or to keep your confidence? Remember that anything you have been accused of has been sold to them as truth.
You have Children
Did they spend a lot of time with your children? This is actually a good test of their character. If they cared for your children, no matter what they thought of you they would keep a civil relationship in order to keep one with your children.
Was it easy
How easily were you thrown away? Did they simply go No Contact with you as soon as you walked away from your abusive relationship? Did they want to know your side of the story? Did they listen if you told them or were they more interested in what they had to say to you?
Are there signs that they are toxic too?
Sometimes the people who have the most empathy and understanding for you are the friends who grew up in a normal loving household. The people who have the least empathy and understanding are those who have grown up in a toxic home and are carrying on the same toxic behaviours themselves as their own version of normal. These people do not want to see fault within their families or they would have to see the faults within themselves.
What about the family members who still maintain contact?
Signs it is time to fly free:
They bring up your relationship with a toxic parent despite being asked not to.
Time spent with them causes you stress.
They are controlling.
They put you down often.
You do not feel you can be yourself around them.
They only see you on their terms.
They show no interest in you or how your life is going.
Every interaction is negative.
Remember that scapegoating is a sign that an entire family system is damaged and broken.
Healing and breaking that cycle starts with you.
<3
“I don’t think there’s anything sadder than when two people are meant to be together and something intervenes.”— Walter Bishop
(Source: quotemadness.com)
Sleepiest Monday in a long time. More weekend, please. (at Minneapolis, Minnesota)
(via thisblindoptimism)
(via poems-and-word)
I’m at that age now where I only want to associate myself with grown people and grown situations. People who play mind games, attention seek, guilt trip or other manipulative things need to stay clear away from me. I don’t care about social or financial statuses, or other irrelevant attributes, I seriously couldn’t give a shit, as long as your mentality is grown, we can vibe.
